I am an adoptee.

My story has

so many lost pages;

so much I don’t know.

that has been lost for ages.

So much that I want to know,

so much of what I’m curious;

but is the pain worthwhile

to find out the mysterious.

This nameless person I call mother

has no eyes or face;

and there’s a hole in my heart,

where only she can fill that place.

I battle with the hurt of rejection,

inside a deep black void;

and she shall never know

her daughter’s heart, she’s destroyed.

In the silence I am suffering,

afraid to say a word;

so in my head is a thousand questions

nobody has heard.

Inside me I am  broken and shattered,

inside so much loss and pain;

but I will will choose to persevere and grow-

so it was not in vain.

______________

Editor’s Note: Iris Grant is a pen name

My initial plan for this piece was simply a realistic pencil drawing based on a reference image. However, I wanted to convey a sense of distance between the two hands despite the fact that they are almost touching. I decided to paint the second hand to provide contrast—though it might have also had something to do with being incredibly tired of pencil shading. I thought that the contrast of the painting and having the hand reaching through a portal created the idea that the second hand was not of this world.

My thoughts while painting was that this other hand was reaching through space or dimensions, hence the name I chose for this piece. I still wanted to leave this with some ambiguity. Maybe the painted hand is trying to drag the other person through the portal, maybe the person on the right is trying to pull the other hand out of wherever they’re stuck. Maybe they don’t know each other at all and this captures simply a fleeting moment, a single touch shared. 

I had fun creating this piece because I didn’t have a clear plan from the beginning and I let myself just paint. At one point I thought the hand on the left would be just another hand, then I thought maybe it was a shadow, and what I landed on was something less clear but what I think is more intriguing. I haven’t experimented much with mixing medias and incorporating painting into my drawings which made this more exciting. I believe that art should be more about trusting the process; you don’t always need an exact plan or for things to turn out perfect as you envisioned them.